How to Increase Self-Confidence and Stop Seeking Approval

It’s natural to want approval from others, but when social acceptance becomes an obsession, you might want to learn how to increase your self-confidence.

When you crave the feeling of being liked and accepted, you may find yourself constantly adapting to what you think others want from you. But let’s be honest; it’s exhausting to live your life based on other people’s opinions instead of your own desires.

If you often find yourself getting caught up in other people’s opinions, it can feel like your happiness depends on what they think and say about you. But there are ways to increase your self-confidence and stop letting others define you. It’s important to remember that regardless of how you dress, talk, walk, or your ethnicity, someone will always have something negative to say.

To break free from the approval-seeking spiral, you need to learn to be kinder to yourself and accept yourself for who you are. Recognize that building confidence takes time and effort. Put less value into others’ opinions and focus on your own thoughts and feelings.

Accept yourself, imperfections and all. By working on these things, you can start caring less about what other people think and feel more confident in yourself.

“The only permission, the only validation, and the only opinion that matters in our quest for greatness is our own.”— Dr Steve Maraboli

Stop with the comparisons

Comparing yourself to others is a trap that can leave you feeling inadequate and unfulfilled. Remember that everyone has their own unique journey and path, and comparing yourself to someone else’s only sets you up for disappointment.

Instead of focusing on what others have, start visualizing how you want to be and what your ideal version of yourself looks like. This can involve setting personal goals for yourself, identifying your strengths and weaknesses, and creating a plan to work towards becoming the person you want to be.

It’s important to recognize that progress takes time and effort, and there will be setbacks along the way. Don’t let these setbacks discourage you or make you feel like giving up.

Stay committed to your vision and keep taking steps towards your goals, no matter how far away they may seem.

Remember, you are not in competition with anyone else. You are on your own unique journey, and the only person you should be comparing yourself to is the person you were yesterday. Keep striving to be the best version of yourself, and don’t let anyone else’s journey distract you from your own path.

Other people’s opinions say more about them than about you

What other people think say about you is a reflection of their own character – not yours. It’s often a sign of their own insecurities or negative emotions rather than a true reflection of you or your worth. So, instead of internalizing their words and letting them bring you down, try to detach yourself from their opinion and remind yourself that it’s not a reflection of your own value as a person.

By focusing on your own beliefs and values and letting go of the need for external validation, you can build a stronger sense of self-worth and self-confidence. Remember that you are in control of your own thoughts and actions and that you don’t need to change who you are to please others. By staying true to yourself and letting go of the need for others’ approval, you can lead a happier and more fulfilling life.

How to put less weight on other people’s words

Recognise the root cause

Recognizing the root cause of why someone’s words or opinions have affected you can help you put less weight on them. When you understand why certain things trigger negative emotions or reactions within you, it becomes easier to identify and address the underlying issue.

For example, if someone’s criticism of your work causes you to feel angry or defensive, the root cause of this reaction could be fear of failure or rejection. By acknowledging this fear and working on building self-confidence and resilience, you can become less susceptible to others’ opinions about your work.

Similarly, if you find yourself constantly seeking validation and approval from others, the root cause of this behaviour may be a lack of self-worth or self-esteem. By focusing on building a strong sense of self and finding fulfilment from within, you can become less reliant on external validation and more confident in your own abilities and worth.

It’s important to remember that recognizing the root cause of your reactions to others’ words and opinions is a process that takes time and self-reflection. However, by taking the time to understand yourself better, you can become more resilient to external factors and more in control of your own emotions and reactions.

Acknowledge your worth

Learning to accept yourself and acknowledge your worth is a crucial step towards putting less weight on other people’s words, thoughts, and opinions. It involves understanding and embracing who you are as a person, including your strengths, weaknesses, and imperfections. Here are some ways to cultivate self-acceptance:

  1. Identify your strengths: Start by recognizing your talents, skills, and positive qualities. Make a list of things you’re good at and proud of, no matter how small they may seem. Focusing on your strengths can help you feel more confident in your abilities and give you a sense of pride in who you are.
  2. Embrace your weaknesses: Nobody is perfect, and it’s okay to have flaws and weaknesses. Instead of trying to hide or deny them, acknowledge them and work towards improving them. Accepting your weaknesses can actually help you grow as a person and build resilience.
  3. Practice self-compassion: Be kind and gentle with yourself, especially when you make mistakes or face challenges. Treat yourself as you would a good friend, and offer yourself words of encouragement and understanding.
  4. Challenge negative self-talk: Pay attention to your inner dialogue and challenge any negative thoughts or beliefs about yourself. Instead of automatically believing them, ask yourself if they are really true or if there’s another, more positive way to view the situation.
  5. Take care of your physical and emotional needs: Make sure you’re taking care of your body and mind by getting enough sleep, eating well, exercising, and practicing self-care. When you feel good physically and emotionally, you’re more likely to feel confident and secure in yourself.

“A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.” — Mark Twain


While it’s natural to seek validation and approval from others, it’s essential to learn how to value your own thoughts and opinions more than theirs.

By focusing on your own values and beliefs and learning to accept yourself, you can build resilience to external criticism and judgments. Remember, what other people think of you is not your responsibility, and their words are a reflection of who they are, not who you are.

By putting less weight on other people’s opinions, you can free yourself from the burden of constantly seeking validation and start living life on your own terms.

You are worthy and deserving of love and respect, regardless of what anyone else thinks. Trust in yourself and your own abilities, and don’t let other people’s words hold you back from achieving your dreams and living your best life.

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